Is It Worth It??

That's what I continuing asking myself. My first night back at work was Friday nite, a 12 hour to top it off! I had been having nightmares about going back. Seriously, I had myself so upset about this day coming. I felt like I couldn't hold her enough on Friday. I was already crying and upset hours before I had to go in. I was just hoping maybe they would call at the last second and say "Hey, Your on-call all night," Yeah right not on a friday. What was I thinking?? Silly girl.

So, I got ready and told myself, "you can do this, this is why you went to college, what you worked so hard for, you'll be fine, she'll be fine." Well no amount of pep talk helped. I cried as I left, I cried in the car, and when I finally thought, okay you're here, you'll make it, the girls said "Hey Sheena's back, how are you and that sweet little girl," I started boo hooing again.

I really do love my job, and I love my coworkers, but I love her soooo much more and I can't see that it is worth it. As I took care of the babies in the nursery that night, I kept thinking I don't want to hold someone else's baby, I want to hold my baby.

The night started out busy and that made it go quicker and my coworkers helped too. (Heather , I wish you were there :( )But, 0730 couldn't come quick enough. I made a mad dash for the car and headed home. It's funny how things go sometimes, ofcourse a state cop had to follow me thru town but once he turned off, it was 60-65 all the way home. I wasn't stopping!! Praise the Lord, I did get call Saturday nite, but I go back Monday nite, and am still not sure it's worth it.